I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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