Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
