if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
