my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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