booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
