you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
