I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
