Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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