guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
