Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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