she was so not down for the gang bang
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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