He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
