i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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