i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
