i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
