On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
