So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
