My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
