whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
