you would pick up someone in the library
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
