SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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