I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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