nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
