i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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