worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
