omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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