I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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