dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
