Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
