that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
