I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
