Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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