I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
