You can't special order awesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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