I wish I could teleport
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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