The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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