OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
