no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I party with great urgency now.
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