respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize