She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize