I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
