Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
