im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
