You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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