also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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