You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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