yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
