No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
