No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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