i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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