he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
