haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
