if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
