after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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