Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
