just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
