fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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