My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
