I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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