Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
