dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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