the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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