i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
