So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
