Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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