do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
