never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
