Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this boner is exhausting
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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