so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
