I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
