We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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