I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
