In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
