Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
