it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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