Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
