we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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