Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
