just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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